EX.R2 - Not All ThereDear Lord,EX.R2 - Not All There by Voice-of-Levity
You know that I've always had trouble with memory, with focus, with functioning at all. And, with your help, I thought I was improving; I really did. But it's gotten worse again. Maybe it's from being eaten by the house? I don't know. Who do I even talk to? Guilty? What do I say? "Hi there, I know we've been avoiding each other since our minds got blended together--since we learned each other's most uncomfortable secrets--but have you been feeling crazier lately?"
- from TJ's journal
My friends have joked that I'd make a great serial killer.
They said it was because no one would suspect me: I tended towards unassuming and quiet, with posture poor enough to conceal my height, but not hunched enough to seem creepy. I looked relatively weak and harmless, too scrawny to be a threat. My honest face came with a somewhat goofy smile, complete with dimples to emphasize my youthful appearance. My jokes were self-depreciating rather than mean or insulting to others
EX.R1 - Scientific CuriosityHow do I know Guilty so well? Personally, I blame the haunted mansion. That and Death. He's the one that took me to his city of Nothing, beginning everything.EX.R1 - Scientific Curiosity by Voice-of-Levity
The ride to Death's realm was...eventful. I quickly learned not to look out the windows if I wanted to keep what little was in my stomach. Instead I acquainted myself with the truck's faded green dashboard, my unreliable-looking seat belt, random notes I found in my coat-pockets, and the palms of my black gloves. Frequently those palms were put to work covering the lenses of my glasses.
Sometimes, during my bolder moments, I would glance back through the rear window at the other passengers, Roy and Katie. I didn't see much of them; just some odd shapes under a tarp. A vampire and a troll don't do well in sunlight, and they weren't taking any chances.
Death himself was surprisingly sociable, sharing frequent jokes and observations, occasionally slowing the truck so that he could point out a particularly impressive scene.
Character Ref - Katie--IDENTIFIERS--Character Ref - Katie by Voice-of-Levity
Name: Katherine "Katie" Tollbridge
Age: Adult--beyond that, she's not sure.
Race: Troll masquerading as human.
Height: Varies, typically between 5 and 7 feet tall
Weight: Much, much heavier than she looks; extended time in the city has added materials like steel and concrete to her body's composition.
Build: Usually borderline anorexic
Skin: Sickly pale, almost gray, and cool to the touch. Wears black lipstick, nail-polish, and eye shadow.
Hair: Hairless, but she uses eyebrow stencils and wears a short, black wig that covers her ears.
Eyes: Yellow with cat-slit pupils, usually hidden behind sunglasses, even at night.
Other defining features: Pointed ears. Body involuntarily changes to suit e
Character Ref - Roy--IDENTIFIERS--Character Ref - Roy by Voice-of-Levity
Name: Roy Whitman
Race: Vampire masquerading as human
Height: 6ft 10 inches
Weight: Heavy (He's a very large man!)
Build: Muscular, approaching stocky
Skin: Fair, but his complexion is a little rosier immediately after feeding
Hair: Permanent facial stubble and shoulder-length, dirty-blonde hair tied back into a ponytail
Eyes: Brown when they're not glow-in-the-dark red
Other defining features: Speaks with a mild southwestern USA accent. Teeth all become fangs during feeding.
Clothing: Blue jeans, brown boots, a black T-shirt, and a white (albeit blood-stained) apron with the words, "HOPE YOU LIKE UNICORN". Usually doesn't wear the apron outside of work.
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round Two:iconfancylances::iconexversusplz::iconBlueLibrarian:Ex III: Judge Comments - Round Two by mippins
fancylances vs. BlueLibrarian
Votes: 0.5-2 (0-2 judges; 1-0 readers)
Mippins and Vane:fancylances: commentsBlueLibrarian: commentsMippins' vote: BlueLibrarianVane's vote: BlueLibrarian
Erin clearly spared no effort in this round. It is dense with reference and character development. Once again, characters were split up to avoid the crowding effect of having so many people standing around, this time to greater effect. Each character set got to do something interesting, and most of them got to make me chuckle.
I'm curious what directions Erin is taking this story, and what assumptions she is making behind the scenes to support her plot. T
EXIII R2 - (Incomplete)“I can walk on my own!” Eira struggled under the angel’s gripEXIII R2 - (Incomplete) by Silvermokona
“Good, then walk.” Nadezhda pushed the rogue away from her, causing her to stumble before catching herself. Lori could only lower her gaze, trying to ignore the eventual scuffle. At least they were almost near the city, but at this point their arguing was getting completely ridiculous
“Man, you’re a meanie-face too,” Plum looked up at the angel, “You’re super uptight and you keep attacking things without warning!”
“I do not,” the angel protested
“You nearly put an arrow through me and you still say that?” Eira stormed up to the other character, but stopped when her creator put herself between both of them.
“C-can,” Lori paused, still keeping her gaze towards the ground “Can you just. . .stop arguing? Every time one of you opens your mouth another just finds a way to start an argument and I just. . .” she t
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round One (Matches 3+4):iconJaredSol::iconexversusplz::iconleucrotta:Ex III: Judge Comments - Round One (Matches 3+4) by mippins
JaredSol vs. Leucrotta
Votes: 3.5-0.5 (2-0 judges; 3-1 readers)
*Oh boy, starting off with floating dialogue. A lot of floating dialogue. This works in movies, but not in writing, since it just confuses the reader. Who's speaking? What is the voice supposed to sound like? What's the setting? What's happening? Ground your reader, first and foremost. I have to scroll down before I learn that we're in a speakeasy. Up until that point, the reader is floating in the nether with no sense of the setting (beyond like, a table, but a table tells me nothing).
*Still kind of confused about your characters. I'm not sure whose head we're in, so all these descriptors (the tall man, the antique warrior, the giggling one in the mask) are super lost. Referring to them by name and then giving us descriptions would be a more effective way of giving the reader a mental image of your cast. It's als